Just a thought about my stresses

I just want to share my stressors with everyone.

Not being able to send these subs out on time and other things being unexpected is kind of depressing. Got announcements from PSA about opening, closing then opening and then officially closing was stressful enough. At least BGS was clear. People are waiting for opportunities to tear me down behind closed doors so I am anxious all the time. I cry to my friends a lot. Why do people I don't know hate me? Why do they go out to recruit others to hate me? They expose me to the mentally ill to have them attack and stalk me to extremes. It is not a one day event but a year long or more. When I am successful, they say it is because of my gender and not my work ethics. While my male counterparts are praised when they do well. When you guys treat me well, I am told it is because of my gender too, that no one would be my friend if I was a male. It is honestly exhausting dealing with it every week but I continue to keep a smile on my face.

I am quick to turn away those who aren't appreciative so I can make a bigger difference in someone elses life. I am sure that is where a lot of hate grows from but I would not have it any other way. I am grateful I always have someone to call everyday to ease my mind. I know I can reach out to any of you guys to talk as well.

I've been trying to get my mind off PSA/BGS and be more involved in my real life communities. At my job, A lot of people want to get tested but we have no kits. They call asking if we can spare masks or point them in the right direction. People being afraid if dying to this virus became another stressor.

Another thing from my personal life is time. A part of me wants to keep following my passion yet another part wants to find a life companion. I tried a few times but I always choose the hobby. I have been so focused on cards that these past few days made me realized how lonely I am 😅 I realized I am afraid to love for the past 5 years so I will seek therapy for this.

With the increasing amount of cards I receive, I feel pressured to do things fast so I need to think of a way to lengthen the turnaround time at my place instead of the usual 2-4 days. I'd need more time to focus on each person. The cards just keep piling up and I am trying to keep up with my job and classes. Other than entering cards, I update the website and the app when I can. Often during short lunch breaks. It would be nice if people did their part like checking tracking numbers before asking me where the package is, sending me lists of cards that they are submitting or even making it easy to take cards from toploaders to put into semi rigids.

As much as I don't mind reminding people of what they sent in, it would save me energy to focus on other things that benefit us all.

With the cards at my place, they are entered into PSA and my database with notes so I can remember. Then they are safely stored. When time comes I will reach out to everyone to do a triple check. It's a lot more work than people realize. We have people thinking I make a ton but realistically, next nothing remains for me. A lot of the money goes into wholesale supplies and membership. Maybe a discounted sub here and there if I have extra funds in the budget ☺

After everything I went through, I still continue with this middleman service because I love every moment of it. I love seeing all the cards that are special to you, being a part of their journey and seeing how happy they make you. I love meeting everyone behind the cards and listening to their life stories.

Thanks for reading my personal post at 1:50am :) just wanted to get this off my chest and share a private moment. Good night ❤